The Art of Treating People Right in a World That's Forgotten How


7 min read

You know exactly how you want to be treated. So why is it so hard to treat others the same way?

In this post, we explore what Jesus and Confucius teach about empathy, reciprocity, and human kindness — and how two principles from opposite ends of the ancient world can cut through the low-grade cruelty of modern digital life.

We live in an era of hyper-visibility and digital friction. Whether it's a heated Slack thread, a passive-aggressive group chat, or the temptation to “dunk” on someone on social media for clout, we are constantly reacting.

Because we are connected to everyone, we often treat people like avatars rather than humans. This is Main Character Syndrome which is the creeping habit of forgetting that the person on the other side of the screen has a complex life, a bad morning, and a nervous system just like yours.

Social media rewards outrage. Workplace cultures reward self-promotion. Group chats blur tone. The result is a slow-burning empathy crisis that shows up as:

  • Conflict fatigue
  • Performative kindness
  • Passive-aggressive communication
  • Anxiety about "saying the wrong thing"
  • Emotional burnout from always managing impressions

In short: we struggle with how to treat others well without losing ourselves. 

Two ancient principles — one from Jesus, one from Confucius — speak directly into this tension. And remarkably, they arrive at almost the same answer from opposite ends of the world.

Christian Empathy: The Golden Principle

The Christian principle of empathy is Jesus's instruction in Matthew 7:12: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." This is a principle of reciprocity. But what made Jesus's version remarkable was how it was framed.

Most traditions, including Rabbinic Judaism and Confucianism, express this idea in the negative: "Do not do to others what you would not want done to yourself." 

Jesus flipped it into a positive command. Don't just stop the bad stuff, actively do the good.

This proactive framing shifts everything. Instead of asking "Am I causing harm?" it asks: "What does the best version of human connection look like — and are you willing to go first?"

In 2026, this looks like:

  • Sending the check-in text before you're asked. 
  • Acknowledging a colleague's effort out loud. 
  • Defending a friend's reputation in a group chat instead of watching silently. 

The Golden Principle, practised honestly, is what slowly rebuilds the trust that modern life has quietly eroded.

More Than a Rule

Matthew 7:12 is commonly called the Golden Rule, but calling it a rule undersells it. Rules are rigid, external, and enforced by penalties ("no speeding"). 

Principles are flexible, internally held, and guide judgement. The difference matters enormously in practice.

Compare the two approaches:

As a Rule: "I like blunt honesty, so I will be blunt with everyone regardless of their feelings."

As a Principle: "I want people to be helpful to me, so I will find the most helpful way to speak to this specific person."

Jesus said this principle "sums up the Law and the Prophets" (Matthew 7:12). "The Law and the Prophets" was shorthand for the entire Hebrew Scriptures—the foundation of Jewish faith and practice. 

He was making a radical claim: the entire ethical thrust of scripture — all its laws, all its prophetic demands — distils into one relational practice.

Jesus reinterpreted the Law in light of God’s kingdom values such as love, mercy, humility, and righteousness. He shifts focus from legalistic rule-keeping to heart-driven righteousness rooted in empathy and love.

How this plays out: Online discourse often lacks empathy. The Golden Principle challenges us to comment, share, and debate in ways we would want directed at ourselves.

Love your neighbour not as a legal obligation, but as a lived habit of empathy.

It harmonises with Jesus's other teachings on forgiveness, generosity, and turning the other cheek. Each calls for the same thing: empathy that moves first, not empathy that waits for the other person to deserve it.

Confucian Empathy: The "Silver Rule"

The Confucian counterpart is shu (恕 — empathy or reciprocity), articulated in Analects 15:23: "Do not unto others what you do not wish others to do unto you."

This is popularly known as the Silver Rule — a negative, restrictive form of the Golden Principle. Think of it as the minimum viable empathy: before you do anything, pause and ask whether you'd want it done to you.

In practice, this means rejecting the Main Character Syndrome. Eliminate most of the low-grade cruelty that makes modern life feel so draining. 

Would you want to be ghosted after three dates with no explanation? Then don't do it. 

Would you want a colleague to take credit for your brainstorm? Then don't stay silent when you see it happening to someone else. 

Would you want someone to vaguebook about you passive-aggressively? You already know the answer.

Confucius expressed shu in the negative to emphasise restraint and self-discipline. The junzi (君子 — the exemplary person) trains themselves to pause before acting. As Analects 4:24 puts it: 

"An exemplary person prefers to speak carefully and sparingly, but acts swiftly and decisively when the time comes."

Not Just About Avoiding Harm

Here's where it gets philosophically interesting. When Zigong asked Confucius whether there was a single word that could guide a person's entire life (Analects 15:24), Confucius replied: yes — it's shu. 

But if shu simply meant "don't do bad things," Confucius would be advocating for a life of total inactivity. Clearly, he meant more.

To understand shu fully, you have to read it alongside ren (仁 — benevolence or humaneness), the highest Confucian virtue.

Confucius links the two explicitly in Analects 5:12: 

"A person of ren, when seeking to establish themselves, also helps others to be established; when wishing to succeed, also helps others to succeed. Using what is close at hand as an analogy — this is the way of ren."

The principle of shu is implicit in the positive formulation of ren: actively doing for others. Confucius calls this method "using what is close at hand". 

Shu starts with not harming others, and extends into positive action when combined with ren. Shu is the thread running through Confucius' philosophy because it's the practice that makes ren possible. Without empathy, benevolence risks becoming one-sided. 

Shu ensures moral life is relational, grounded in mutual respect.

So Confucian empathy operates on two levels: 

  • through shu: the negative form prevents injustice and selfishness, and 
  • thorough ren: the positive form inspires proactive empathy — helping others achieve what you'd want for yourself.

Concretely, this means avoiding neglect, harsh words, or betrayal. None of us would wish to be treated that way (shu); and listening, forgiving, and supporting (ren). 

Comparing Christian and Confucian Empathy

Both principles address the same modern epidemic: empathy deficit. 

Applied to digital life, shu stops the cycle of toxicity — by not sending that snarky reply, you protect both your peace and everyone else's. 

The Golden Principle cures the loneliness epidemic: by proactively reaching out or offering the grace you wish you'd received during your last burnout, you build the community you're secretly longing for.

But there are differences worth noting.

The Golden Principle is universally active: it commands proactive good regardless of your role or relationship. It's rooted in divine love and holds the same standard whether you're talking to your boss or a stranger online.

Shu is relationally calibrated. Because Confucianism is fundamentally hierarchical, how you express empathy depends on your position relative to the other person. 

Take the mentor-mentee relationship: you express shu through deference — listening carefully, acknowledging their experience, offering practical help. Your mentor, in turn, expresses it through generosity — sharing hard-won wisdom and opening doors rather than guarding them.

Together, the two frameworks are complementary: the Golden Principle pushes you to initiate love; shu trains you to pause before causing harm. Use both.

Ancient Wisdom, Applied

Here are five practical ways to bring these principles into your daily life:

1. The Draft Test (Shu)

Before hitting send on a critique or spicy comment, ask: "If I received this exact message at 4:30 PM on a Friday, how would I feel?" If the answer is "bad," delete the draft. 

This applies to performance reviews, group chats, and Twitter replies alike.

2. The First Move Policy (Golden Principle)

Once a week, identify something you've been craving — recognition at work, a check-in from a friend, someone saying "you handled that well" — and do that exact thing for someone else. 

Don't wait for others to go first. That's the whole point.

3. The Mute Button Discipline (Shu)

If you don't want people hate-following you or judging your every move, stop doing it to others. Unfollow or mute accounts that trigger your judgmental side. 

Your attention is a moral act.

4. The Over-Communication Audit (Golden Principle)

You hate the "waiting for a reply" anxiety so commit to giving clear timelines to others. Instead of going silent, try: "I'm swamped, but I'll get back to you by Tuesday." 

Thirty seconds of honesty prevents hours of someone else's dread.

5. Stop Performing Empathy Online and Practise It Offline

You can be outspoken about systemic kindness on the internet and still neglect the person sitting two feet away. Practise the Golden Principle by reaching out to that person right away. 

Shu is also a useful corrective here: ask yourself whether you're doing anything, like the subtweet, the delayed reply to a friend in crisis, the loyalty that disappears when it's inconvenient, that you'd find hurtful if done to you. Start there, not on social media.

Final Thoughts

The ancient world didn't have group chats or situationships or LinkedIn, but it had people. Complicated, self-interested, occasionally wonderful people trying to figure out how to live alongside each other without making everything worse.

Christianity and Confucianism were, at their core, grappling with the same problem we are. The solution they arrived at, from opposite ends of the world, was essentially the same: pay attention to how your actions land on other people, and let that guide you.

Two and a half thousand years later, that's still the whole game.

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